Death Note: THE MUSICAL!
by Wasabikitty10
Summary: Do you hate Zac Efron? Do you like getting scarred for life? Then join the party! Involves much randomness. T for a bit of language, contains some LXLight, ah, JUST READ IT AND IGNORE MY STUPID SUMMARY! :D
1. A notebook! I'll write my name down!

DEATH NOTE THE MUSICAL!

(Themesong begins to play. Imagine a scarily cheerful tune.)

**Light**: It's Death Note, the musical! We'll kill you with a smile!

**Matsuda**: (spoken) Brush your teeth, children.

**Light**: Making the world a better place, just look at all the bodies and flames! We kill the bad guys, the good guys too, the dogs! The cats! The Mary Sues!

**Fangirls **in the background: Hooray!

**Light**: Heck, we'll even kill you too! Just tell us your name, and we'll do it- With a smile!

'Cause...

It's Death Note, the musical! We'll kill you with a smile!

We've all got our eyes, on the ultimate prize,

TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION!

Killing is fun! Fun as it gets! When I'm ruler, we can throw bets,

ON WHO CAN KILL THE MOST PEOPLE! WHOOOT! WHOOOOOOT! (**Light** laughs his **Kira laugh**)

**L**: Ah! **Kira**! Get over here so I can arrest you and torture you!

**Light**: I'm not **Kira**, I'm your **Light**-kun!

**L**: Don't give me that crap, **Light**-kun! (runs at **Light **holding a sharp marshmallow knife)

**Light**: I'm not **Kira**!

**L**: OH WHATEVER! (is about to chop off **Light's **head)

**Director of the musical: **Oh no, this will never do! We must censor this. You are hereby no longer the actors in this pitiful story.

**L**: Hey, watch it, old man. I'm not an actor, I AM L!! And the so-called story is my LIFE.

**Director**: Oh no, you L wanna-be!** ZAC EFRON! MILEY CYRUS! DAKOTA FANNING**! Get over here!

(**Zac **appears in a **TUXEDO, Miley **appears in a **CINDERELLA COSTUME,** and **Dakota** appears in a **GANGSTA OUTFIT**.)

**Director**: Oh no, this will never do!

**L**: Why do you keep saying that?? And I'm not a wanna-be, I'm the real L!

**Director**: (ignoring L, he claps his hands) Bibbity! Bobbity! Booooo!

(**Zac** is now wearing a shirt and tie, **Miley **is wearing a white shirt and jeans, and **Dakota** is wearing lots of stuff.)

**Director**: Good job, children! Let's start the show!

(**Zac **is walking down the street, singing a song.)

**Zac**: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS- oh, those aren't my lines! Oopsie, oopsie, Zacky went tootsie! My real lines are, (takes a deep breath)

I'm Light Yagami, and I'm bored, just waiting, just waiting, for you to make a move. I'm in love, but I can't show it... (forgetting lines, beginning to sing random stuff)

Um... I'm Light Yagami, backwards my name is I'm a gay-- OMFG! Director, can we change my last name?

**Director**: Ok! Now your last name is Beer!

**Zac**: Ok! I'm Light Beer, Light Beer, hum da dum, OUCH! (a **DEATH NOTE **has fallen upon Zac's head.)

**Director**: Cut! Cut! **Zac **isn't supposed to get hurt! Idiot fans will complain!

(Scene cuts to **Zac **rubbing his head angrily and picking up the **DEATH NOTE**)

**Zac**: Ooh, a notebook! I'd better write my name in it so I remember whose it is...

**Stupid-I-mean-um-(insert complimentary adjective)-fangirls-of-Zac:** Nooooo! DON'T DO IT!

**Zac**: Ah, it's the voices again. Instead, I'll write my girlfriend's name! Let's see, Va...ness... ah... and I'll leave her a note. "Do not get in a car accident-" Oh, I spelled "Do not" wrong. I'll cross that part out. Hum de dum, all done.

(Somewhere far, far away, in a suite of rooms on the 17th floor of a building)

**Vanessa**: LA-dee-LA! I feel so great! (dancing idiotically in circles, while putting on makeup.)

(A **CAR **-it's a Mustang, to those who wonder- breaks through the glass, this part is in slow motion.)

**Vanessa**: OMFG it's **HERBIE**! **HERBIE**! I want your babies! WHOOT! You learned to fly!

**"Herbie"**: ... (silently crushes **Vanessa**.)

(back to the set)

**Zac**: Let's skip to the part where more good stuff happens.

**Ryuuk**: No! You'll miss my dramatic entrance- (dragged away by **Director**) Nooo! NOOOO! (is replaced by **OROCHIMARU**, who is deeply confused and decides to take a nap until something happens.)

**Director**: Ok, let's go to where **Zac-I-mean-Light **and **Miley**-**I**-**mean**-**L** are chained together. TIME FOR SMUT! (receives odd looks) I mean, conflict.

(scene changes)

**Miley**: Ooh, I like, totally, really, like, heard, that like, um, yeah, **Vanessa **died! So, **Zac**, can I be like, your, like, girlfriend?

**Zac**: Why of course, **Miley**! (they kiss passionately, forgetting that **Miley **is playing **L**, and **Zac **is supposed to be **Light**. **Yaoi fangirls **scream in delight.)

(offstage, tied up in chains)

**L**: They don't do it as well as we do.

**Light**: (blushing) Shut up!

**L**: Sorry, **Light**-kun. (attempts to bow, chains make this difficult. He falls over, still in his **Trademark Sitting Posistion**.)

**Light**: It's ok, **L**. As soon as we get out of here, you can bring that subject up again. (still blushing) Let's watch them butcher our story some more, shall we?

**L**: Like we have a choice.

(back to the stage)

**Dakota**: WHY DON'T YOU MAKE OUT WITH ME?!

**Zac**: Because you're underage.

**Miley**: Hey, watch it! We're all underage here... (giggles suggestively)

**Dakota**: How about... a threesome?

**Everyone**: O.o no thank you.

**Dakota**: (weeping) Why do you all hate me so much?! (picks up random object, which happens to be the **DEATH NOTE**, and throws it at **Zac**. It goes backwards away from her and hits **Light **in the face.)

**Light**: Ow! Oh- YES! YES YES YES! It's MIIIIINNNNEEEE! My... precious... (salivating, he strokes the cover, and giggles.)

**L**: **Light**-kun, this leads me to believe you may be **Kira** after all...

**Light**: ...Wouldn't it be funny, if the guy watching the **Kira** suspects fell asleep, and **Kira** wrote the names of these idiots in his **DEATH NOTE**?

**L**: (glances around shiftily) Yes, it really would be funny... (looks the other way and fakes sleep)

**Light**: (Rapidly writes the names of **Zac**, **Dakota**, **Miley**, and **Director**.)

**Dakota**: (catching on fire, she screams) Oh noes! MY **MISA **COSTUME IS BURNING! I SPENT SO MUCH CASH ON IT!

((Note-- **Dakota **spent no money on it whatsoever.))

**Zac**: (his spleen explodes) Oh noes! MY FAME! MY STARDOM! MY... (trails off into a moanish scream, blood comes out of his mouth and nose. **Zac **collapses in a pitiful bloody heap.)

**Miley**: (melting, wicked witch style) Whee! This is fun! Well, kids, looks like I'm dying! Don't forget to buy **Hannah Montana **CD's! (dies painfully)

**Director**: (falls over, but does not die) BWA HA HA! YOU CAN'T KILL ME UNLESS YOU WRITE "**4KIDS**" NEXT TO MY NAME! Oshit. I told.

**Light**: (scribbles in his **DEATH NOTE **rapidly) BWA HA HA!

**Director**: (dies of a meteor) Noooo!

(**L **and **Light **have their chains fall off miraculously. They smile evilly at the wreckage.)

**L**: **Light**-kun, on the subject you told me to speak of at this time?

**Light**: (blush) Yes, **L**. I'll meet you at home.

(they exit, without a hitch, except for when **Light **trips over the sleeping **OROCHIMARU**.)

**Oro**: Oi, where am I?

**L**: My good friend, here, take these ruby slippers, and I believe a middle aged woman in a disgustingly pink dress shall come and guide you through the steps of getting home.

(**L **and **Light **leave, **humming **the **DEATH NOTE MUSICAL THEMESONG**! **Orochimaru **looks confused. )

END.

AN: This is what I predict the american Death Note movie will be like. My personal favorite moment is when... I can't pick! Probably where Zac finds the Death Note and Vanessa is run over by Not-Herbie.

I might write a continuation. MIGHT. :P Depends on how people like this one.

Oh, one more thing: I LOVE ALL REVIEWS! I like spam. I like random comments that have nothing to do with my story. Flames are loved too. I've not gotten a flame yet, and this makes me feel very neglected. :(

'Cause fire is pretty.

But still, a nice, constructive review will be rewarded. :D

REVIEW!!


	2. OMG L SINGS THE GOOFY GOOBER SONG!

DEATH NOTE THE SECOND MUSICAAAAAAAAAALLLL!

**Light **and **L **have left the set, but they forgot one thing: THE **DIRECTOR **IS IMMUNE TO ALL **SPACE WARFARE**!

**Director**: Oiiiiiiii... where am I...? Oh no! **ZAC**! **MILEY**! **DAKOTA**! Now who will help me film my musical?!

**Sarah Palin**: I will! I will!

**Jonas Brothers**: (in an amoeba-like cluster) I will! I will!

The cast of **Dragon Tales**: WE WILL!

**Director**: Alright! Let's audition! One at a time, please.

**Sarah Palin**: I would like to audtition for the part of Light, please. For my audition, I will sing a song!

(tune is the **transformer's themesong**)

**SARAH PALIN**!

ROBOTS IN DISGUISE!

**SARAH PALIN**!

ROBOTS IN DISGUISE!

(Off in the apartment of **L **and **Light**)

**Light**: OMG! The **National Enquirer **says **SARAH PALIN **is taking over the world! (girlish scream) That's my job! AH NO!! I MUST KILL HER!

(back on set)

(in the middle of her song, **Sarah Palin **chokes and falls over dead.)

**Director**: I'm sorry madam, but I do not believe you are fit to play the part of **Light**. **Light **is alive, and you are dead. No amount of makeup can change that.

BIBBITY! BOBBITY! BOO!

(**Sarah's **body transforms into a carrot. The **Director **chomps away.)

Next!

(the Jonas Brothers all enter the room at once.)

**Director**: I said one at a time!

**Jonas brothers**: (in unison) We have become one mind, through the sheer stupidity of our stardom, woe upon those who resist our truth.

**Director**: That's nice, now could you please come in one at a time?

**Jonas brothers**: Woe. Woe. Woe.

**Director**: Yes, yes. ONE AT A TIME!

**Jonas brothers**: Woe. Woe. I am not complete. I need one more mind in order to take over this pitiful globe of a planet. Rejoice, brother, and become one with us!

**Director**: Kyaaaaa! Nooooo! HELP ME! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllllppppppppp!

(back in apartment)

**L**: Just out of curiosity, how did **Kira **exactly plan kill the **Director**? He's immune to space warfare!

**Light**: (evil grin) I-um, **Kira**, wrote that he would be eaten by mental cannibals and become one with them.

**L**: ...Wonderful... (vaguely disturbed.)

(on set)

**The Director Brothers: Woe. Woe. Woe. We have become so much more poweful after absorbing the DIRECTOR. We shall destroy all semblance of manga and anime. Let us dub the world into obediance. We shall now speak in bold text only. **

(the cast of **dragon** **tales **falls over dead for no apparent reason.)

**Mello**: (eating chocolate while taking a shower) La da baaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, laaaaaaaaaaaaa daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa booooooooooooooooooooooo, la de rappa, doo dee doo bop!

**The Director Brothers: Woe. Woe. Woe. For eating chocolate in the shower, you shall be dubbed. No more individuality! **

**Mello**: WTF?! HEeeeeeEEEEeeeelp! YOU SHALL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE! (rapidly gathers all chocolate, and runs outside, in his haste forgetting to dress. This pleases many **Mello Fangirls**, who cheer offstage.)

**The Director Brothers: Woe. Woe. Woe. Us of 4kids will triumph and reign supreme! **

**Mello**: No. NOOOOO! MY CHOCOLATE!

(**Mello **is chained, and replaced by...

**HILLARY CLINTON**!)

**Hillary**: Ku ku ku, I'm a middle aged lady wearing goth stuff. Let me walk around scaring the fans of **DEATH NOTE**!

**The Director Brothers: Woe. Woe. Woe. Now we shall destroy the world. **

**By singing this song! **

(they begin singing very yucky **disco music**)

**L **and **Light**: OH NO!

**Light**: We're doomed! (laughs the **Kira **laugh) I'd better go get on my **Sunday clothes**.)

**L**: No. NOOO! We. Will. Not. Die. HERE! This is not my place to die! 'Cause I'm... I'm... I'm...

(takes a deep breath)

I'M A GOOFY GOOBER!

(**L**)  
I'm a goofy goober  
(backround)  
ROCK!  
(**L**.)  
You're a goofy goober!  
(b)  
ROCK!  
(**L**.)  
We're all goofy goobers!  
(b)  
ROCK!  
(**L**.)  
Goofy goofy goofy goober!  
(B)  
ROCK  
(**L**.)  
Put your toys away. (**L **looks pointedly at **Near**. **Mello**, who is still chained, snickers.)  
Well all I gotta say when you tell me not to play I say no way! (**Near **is confused. **Mello** eats chocolate.)  
(b)  
NO!  
(**L**)  
Way no no no no way  
I'm a kid you say when you say I'm a kid  
I say say it again and then I say thanks! (**L** spins in circles, doing some sort of breakdance. **Matsuda** appears in fishnets and dances as well.)  
(b)  
THANKS!  
(**L**.)  
Thank you very much.  
So if your thinkin' that you'd like to be like me. Go ahead and try.  
The kid inside will set you free! (**THE AUTHOR **dizzily staggers around, swooning somewhat.)  
I'm a goofy goober!  
(b)  
ROCK! (An **ELECTRIC BLAST **destroys **Mello's **chains. **Mello **continueseating chocolate weeping tears of joyful **OOCness**.)  
(**L**.)  
You're a goofy goober!  
(b)  
ROCK  
(**L**.)  
We're all goofy goobers!  
(b)  
Rock!  
(**L**.)  
Goofy goofy goofy goober! Yeah!

(**L **falls to his knees and holds a **random guitar **up to the sky, ancient rock style. **The Director** **Brothers **fall over dead.)

**L**: OH MY! I SAVED THE DAY!

**Light**: No, I did.

**L**: (faints)

(**Light **is wearing a hideous buisness **suit**, which also may have caused the death of the **Dragon Tales**.)

**Light**: The powers of moth-ball smellig **suits **should never be underestimated. WITH THIS **SUIT **I WILL RULE THE WORLD!

(He smashes the **camera**, thereby ending this show.)

END.

AN: L sings the goofy goober song. Yuuuuummmm. If he didn't belong with Light... (loses train of thought) Oooooohhhh.

My favorite thing in the world is reviews. DON'T FORGET IT!


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